Dear Diary,
Today I went out with an old friend of mine who, although I have known her since I was like 4, very often feels like a stranger. I don't know many people who I feel completely at ease with. I had two very, very good friends, the sort you grow up with. You know what they say about people you grow up with. You are bonded with them in a way you will never be with anyone now, because you were kids together. Anyway, both of them changed and we aren't really friends anymore. The sleepovers, arts and crafts sessions, long nights spent whispering in the dark about serious things, now almost feel like they never even happened. She's in Cairo flirting with boys' feelings, she's in California wearing very small halter tops and shopping with her gay best friend.
Anyway I didn't mean to get into lost childhoods. Actually, I don't know what I meant to get into. I know I want to keep a journal. I want to be very honest about things that happen inside my head and out.
So in September I will be in Sheffield, England, starting my PGCE Primary course. It will last one year. I got a 50% scholarship but I cannot afford anything except the 50% of tuition fees.
I'm uncomfortable asking my parents for money. Today I went to buy myself a new charger for my MacBook. It cost me KD30. That's a lot of money, especially since I don't have that much of it left. I bought it because in Cairo my father asked if he could keep mine. He said I could buy one at home and he would pay me back for it. Anyway, he didn't pay me back for it. Because I didn't ask.
This is already sounding like my last blog; a bit bleak. I don't want this to start that way. I'm trying to be happier. Many years have been unhappy years, and I want the years to come to be happy years, or at least, not unhappy ones.
In September, I will be in Sheffield, and I will have a dorm room, and I will try harder to understand the future.
Today I went out with an old friend of mine who, although I have known her since I was like 4, very often feels like a stranger. I don't know many people who I feel completely at ease with. I had two very, very good friends, the sort you grow up with. You know what they say about people you grow up with. You are bonded with them in a way you will never be with anyone now, because you were kids together. Anyway, both of them changed and we aren't really friends anymore. The sleepovers, arts and crafts sessions, long nights spent whispering in the dark about serious things, now almost feel like they never even happened. She's in Cairo flirting with boys' feelings, she's in California wearing very small halter tops and shopping with her gay best friend.
Anyway I didn't mean to get into lost childhoods. Actually, I don't know what I meant to get into. I know I want to keep a journal. I want to be very honest about things that happen inside my head and out.
So in September I will be in Sheffield, England, starting my PGCE Primary course. It will last one year. I got a 50% scholarship but I cannot afford anything except the 50% of tuition fees.
I'm uncomfortable asking my parents for money. Today I went to buy myself a new charger for my MacBook. It cost me KD30. That's a lot of money, especially since I don't have that much of it left. I bought it because in Cairo my father asked if he could keep mine. He said I could buy one at home and he would pay me back for it. Anyway, he didn't pay me back for it. Because I didn't ask.
This is already sounding like my last blog; a bit bleak. I don't want this to start that way. I'm trying to be happier. Many years have been unhappy years, and I want the years to come to be happy years, or at least, not unhappy ones.
In September, I will be in Sheffield, and I will have a dorm room, and I will try harder to understand the future.
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